For Better, For Worse
by Triskell
Summary: A twist at the ending of Ep. I and the resulting consequences... (Alternative Universe, SLASH)
1. Obi-Wan

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars (surprise!), I don't intend to infringe on the copyright of those who do own it. Writing is a hobby, I make no money off it.

Contains allusions to SLASH. Don't like it, don't read.

This is another take of the events depicted in the follow-up "For Better, For Worse II", my first AU (alternative universe story) and contains a few spoilers for Episode I.  
  
This story is dedicated to Phil who asked me to let Qui-Gon live for once ;-)  
  
//Indicates telepathy//

**FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE**  
© Triskell, 2000

  
(Obi-Wan)  
  
Red laser beams swishing into an impenetrable wall right in front of my eyes, my Master engaging the Sith again, dancing a treacherous tango, every step doomed to failure, averted by years of practice and Jedi steadfastness - one moment, one single moment in which age triumphed over experience, one moment in which a life was taken, and another fell to the helpless rage of bloodshot anger.  
  
I heard myself scream, then saw - as if from some viewpoint above, how I charged the Sith, barely seeing the laser walls withdrawing, coming close enough to them to almost singe my clothes and skin. I was beside myself. It was scary - I can't remember having ever felt this way - betrayed and furious at the same time. I should have been with my Master - he ought to have had me by his side - and yet he had left me behind.  
  
I only briefly touched upon the possibility of his having thought I'd make it - that he'd believed I would be fast enough - Qui-Gon Jinn knew me far too well to miscalculate my powers and skill. He was a hard and demanding Master and though he'd often stretched my patience and strength to their limits he had never before overestimated me.  
  
Sith damn his protectiveness! And yet it was a curiously warm sensation - to have someone want to give their life for you - not that I thought too much about it, my mind was focused on my enemy, as focused as I've ever been - I was engrossed in every detail of his face and though he almost killed me I was sure - from the very moment of our first clash of sabres after his hitting my Master - that I would destroy him.  
  
No one, not even the most powerful Sith would triumph over me and my Master - I wouldn't permit anyone to steal my lifeblood from me twice. Retelling these moments, sifting through the darkest and deepest agony of my life, it surprises me to say that I knew - the moment that Qui-Gon was mortally wounded - that he was more than I had ever dreamed he could be.  
  
That was when my heart set out and my body, my training and my mind, a power of determination that no one can possibly image took over. I was led by an overwhelming instinct to avenge my Master, my never-to-be lover - and I succeeded.  
  
The Sith fell.  
  
And so did I. I fell to my knees beside my Master, the man I loved and there was nothing left to do but to listen to his breathless words, giving him a promise to take in his grave. I think I was crying, but I couldn't say for sure. I was transported too far away from my body, drowning in a flood of grief so deep and endless I might never have come back - had it not been for Ani.  
  
I didn't know then that he had blown up the droid control ship, I had no idea he had ever stirred from the oh-so-safe hangar where Qui-Gon and I had left him - and then he was before me - and his voice called me to my duties.  
  
"Is he…dead?"  
  
"Almost. His heart's still beating, though very faintly. There's no more we can do."  
  
It cost me so much to say these words, it was as if I were tearing my heart and soul to shreds pronouncing them - and yet I did it. I allowed the unmistakable truth to sink in, to settle in a body and mind still weak from exertion and battle and I swallowed tears I had no right to shed. Not in front of a little boy who was to be my apprentice, not in front of a child who'd lost his guardian.  
br "I can help."  
  
I looked up, stunned, my eyes and face probably full of hope though I knew I mustn't indulge, mustn't let myself suffer more than I would - for many days, weeks, maybe even years.  
  
The boy looked astonished himself, he must have simply expressed his wish to do something, and though he had to know he was as powerless as I was, as helpless in the view of death as even the greatest Jedi is.  
  
"He'll be one with the Force. There is no death, there is the Force."  
  
I didn't believe it and neither did he. We stared at each other for what seemed like eternities, though it weren't more than a few seconds.  
  
"He can be saved. He must be. Call a healer. I'll stay with him."  
  
For such a little child he was surprisingly calm, his voice was firm, and even the emotion it betrayed, the turmoil and fear were so well suppressed they remained almost silent and unnoticeable. His eyes were pleading though, and that is why - no matter what anyone else believes - that is why I left him to guard my Master's almost dead form and went in search of a medical droid.  
  
I knew there was no way Qui-Gon could be saved. And somehow I was sure Ani knew it too. What I never thought of was that the boy could have a plan, a notion, an instinct - whatever it was, can never be completely found out now.  
  
~*~  
  
I was ignorant of what passed in the few minutes it took me to meet the Queen and ask her to send the droid. I felt no tremor in the force, no indication of anything unusual happening. I guess that even if I had sensed something I wouldn't have bothered too much. My mind was racing, my head thrummed, and my body was aching, as if my heart had been clasped in a searing grip and was being burned with every step I took, every moment that passed after my Master's death.  
  
I was so sure of his death that I - but I'm going too fast. I will have to relate what happened after I had found the Queen, after I had requested the droid - what I saw when I returned to the place where Qui-Gon had fallen. It seemed so natural - at first. Ani was sitting there, my Master's head in his lap, his hand resting on the heart that had to have stopped beating by then and his head resting on the cold forehead.  
  
I went to kneel beside him, to tell him to get up, that someone would be here any moment - but when I touched him, his skin was clammy, and his pulse racing. I wanted to pull him away, but he held on to Qui-Gon and I felt a change.   
  
Suddenly he looked up, met my eyes and I felt, more than heard him say: "I don't feel it anymore."  
  
That was when my Master's Force signature palpitated softly again, whispering in the edges of my mind, finding its way to the not-yet-severed training bond.   
  
How I understood I'll never know, but Ani was weak and I pulled him away, against his resistance and protests. The medical droids appeared just then and I screamed at them - what I can't say, something unintelligible I'd say - but they got the meaning somehow and while one of them lifted Ani and carried him off swiftly, I turned my attention on my Master and waved the droid to my side.   
  
I laid my hand on Qui-Gon's heart, replacing the boy's and feeling a slow, but steady beat, the wound that had almost cost him his life already beginning to heal. I poured as much of my own Force energy in the healing process as I could while concentrating on placing a protective shield around my Master's mind, knowing that his own shields were too weak to withstand even the slightest disturbance - even if accounted for by a single stray thought.  
  
The Force must have led me, of that I'm sure, as I can't remember how in the galaxy I thought of all the things to do, of all the ways of touching Qui-Gon's mind, stimulating his brain and helping him pump the blood through his veins. He had been so close to death that he was still in grave danger, any false move could mean losing him forever.   
  
But I knew I wouldn't fail. I would summon the energy and faith my Master needed to survive. I would protect him against all odds, and I would triumph over death. Ani had given me the key, opened the door for a future, a new beginning. He had saved the man I loved and I would make sure that whatever sacrifice he'd made wouldn't be wasted.  
  
~*~  
  
I don't remember much of the days and nights that followed. My mind was not my own, my breath was Qui-Gon's, as was my heartbeat, we were in symbiosis as I healed the tissue, wove it together in the intricate pattern of sound flesh in minute detail, as far along the path of oblivion as one should ever go.   
  
If I had taken one step too many, lost myself in my Master only a moment too long, I wouldn't have lived. Balance came from a raw strength that bore the last reminiscences of a Force signature I had felt before but was at a loss to place. A lingering shadow of power ebbed away as I worked to close the gap between life and death, restoring my life as I restored Qui-Gon's.  
  
I neither slept, nor ate, nor moved. I must have lain somewhere close to my Master, for I always felt his body, the warmth of his breath on my cheek, sometimes I brushed his chest or touched his hair in a moment of forlorn longing, when the magnitude of my task seemed too overwhelming to bear.  
  
I noticed nothing and no one - I couldn't have acknowledged anyone's presence had I seen them - but one day - I was told later that it was about three weeks after that fateful duel - I woke.  
  
Yes, I woke. As if I had slept. It was strange, a sensation of suddenly returning to an unknown place, a reality long since forgotten. When I opened my eyes I stared into a round little face, so worried and anxious and yet smiling at me. "ANI!"  
  
He started crying and flung himself at me, hugging me and sobbing into my tunic. I put my arms round him, still at a loss as to what I had done to deserve such a commotion on simply waking up, I held him till his tears ebbed away and he stopped shaking.  
  
He drew away and brushed his eyes with his sleeve, smiling, his eyes startlingly blue in the pale face with the red blotches left by his crying.  
  
"You're alive."  
  
"Of course. I…where am I?"  
  
It was only then I finally realised I was not lying in my bed, not even in my quarters to be exact.  
  
"You're in the infirmary. You've been..."  
  
He stopped abruptly, turning away, as if ashamed - and Queen Amidala appeared in the doorway.  
  
"I'll talk to him Ani."  
  
He nodded and left at once. The smile the young woman gave me was most intriguing - it was at the same time happy and full of worry, as if what she had to say were going to be unpleasant. I returned her smile best as I could, but as it elicited only a slight furrowing of her brow I gave up the attempt.  
  
"You've been, well, out for the past three weeks."  
  
"Qui-Gon."  
  
I remembered then. The fight, the Sith, my Master close to death, a promise I made, seeing Ani, leaving in search of the droids, finding the boy.  
  
"What did Ani do?"  
  
"I'm not sure. He doesn't know himself. The medical staff said he'd been drained - but not physically, only emotionally, and psychically. I...we...he says he can't feel the Force anymore. That's all I can tell you."  
  
"Qui-Gon lives."  
  
"Yes. He - you were with him until yesterday morning, when your heart seemed to be unable to take the strain. I gave orders to separate you from your Master. He did well enough without you, he's breathing regularly and though he's still being monitored he's out of danger. He'll be woken from his artificial sleep when you're ready. We thought it best he wake with you by his side."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"You gave us quite a scare. None of us slept much. Ani was beside himself. He mumbled something about not wanting to lose either of you."  
  
I smiled. The Queen furrowed her brow again.   
  
"You need to get some more sleep and eat. I'll arrange for a change of clothes to be brought to you and the medical droid will make a routine check-up once more. Then you can welcome your Master."  
  
She bowed and left. That was when it occurred to me that I hadn't doubted Qui- Gon was alive. It seemed as if I were subtly aware of every breath he took. And my body decided just then to start making itself heard. I can't remember having ever felt this leaden and beat. How I managed to get up and take a shower is beyond my understanding, and with what resource of strength I took up the spoon and swallowed the gruel they put before me.  
  
~*~  
  
I slept a lot for some days. I knew Qui-Gon was healing and that I was most certainly not in the condition to face him. I had to be able to take care of him, explain what had happened. And feeling as giddy and weak as I did I wasn't exactly suited for the welcome committee.  
  
Ani visited me almost daily. He didn't say much, just sat at my bedside - sometimes he showed me pictures of Naboo, once he brought me a present from the Gungans - some wet, slimy thing that wriggled itself out of its water tank one night and disappeared somewhere in the palace.  
  
We didn't talk about what had happened. I knew all he seemed to know. He was still as puzzled as I was as to the how and what. After a week I was sufficiently rested to get up and walk about and that was when I ran into Master Yoda. He had been sitting on the windowsill in front of the infirmary and I almost jumped when I opened the door to see him smiling at me.  
  
"Good to see you it is. Waited for you I have. Walk with me you will."  
  
What could I do but bow and acquiesce? He was on the Council and I was - whatever. As we hobbled along (I was still not exactly in best form) the corridor he gave me the answers to some of my questions.  
  
"Save Qui-Gon, the boy did. Lost his power in the Force he has. Unforeseen this was. Fulfil the prophecy he will not. But chosen, he was."  
  
"Does that mean the Council has proof he was the Chosen One?"  
  
"Yes. Bring balance to the Force, he will not."  
  
"He - are you trying to tell me he's given up his gift, his future to save Qui- Gon?"  
  
"Telling you I am. Not trying. There is no try. Remember your lessons you should."  
  
He was teasing me. Realisation dawned. He treated me with so much good-humoured playfulness.  
  
"Surprise for you I have."  
  
"It's a pleasant one?"  
  
"Think so, I do. But - wait you must. Present your Master must be."  
  
I dared not ask. My knighthood? Why would the Council grant me my knighthood? For fighting a Sith - probable, but, I couldn't help but find it unlikely.  
  
"Seen your Master, you have?"  
  
"Not yet. I was told he had not been woken. That it should be me who greeted him and that it was necessary for me to."  
  
"Healthy you are. Explain you need not. Official it will be made."  
  
"Official? I'm afraid I don't quite understand."  
  
"Bonded you are. Not felt it, you have?"  
  
"That's not possible! I never…I couldn't!"  
  
It was most confusing. It was true that I felt my Master deep inside, that it seemed he was closer to me than ever, but I hadn't thought it was - a bond.  
  
"A life-bond it is. Not know how it happened I do. Done it is. Mind it you will not."  
  
With these prophetic words he left me and I returned to the infirmary and walked straight into the room adjoining to mine, where I knew Qui-Gon was sleeping. I told the droid on duty there to wake my Master up.   
  
~*~  
  
It wasn't long before his eyes opened. I've never noticed how blue they were or how much I had missed gazing into their depths. This pleasure wasn't for me to indulge in for long, as my mind seemed to implode, then explode and a thousand questions tumbled on top of me, forcing me to steady myself on my Master's bedside.  
  
"Stop!"  
  
I must have cried quite loud, as the droid dropped whatever it was holding, and the clattering of metal on the tiles somehow helped to clear my head a little.  
  
//Forgive me, Padawan. I didn't mean to scare you.//  
  
"Master! Why?"  
  
Qui-Gon's soft mellow tone echoed in my head, almost like a whisper.  
  
//I'm too tired to talk and the training bond is so strong I thought I might as well give it a try…ah…you know what I mean.//  
  
//I do.// It worked without my even concentrating. I just thought and - there - I was talking to my Master. Incredible. This had to be a life-bond.  
  
//A life-bond? What's all this, Padawan?// I shook my head and took a chair to sit beside him. This was going to be one long day, at least I knew my throat wouldn't be dry from explaining.  
  
~*~  
  
It turned out that Qui-Gon had a notion of almost everything that had passed. I shared my memories with him, so easily in fact that some of my more private 'ideas' slipped along with them, travelling on our new-formed bond. I couldn't shield myself properly, I had heard that life-bonded need to take time to develop their shields, that they can't just lock the other out as that would involve dreadful pain. So I hoped that my usually so perceptive Master wouldn't pick up the stray thoughts that shouldn't have escaped.  
  
//You love me?//  
  
How could I have fancied he'd be so weak he'd ignore it? All I could do was nod. It was embarrassing to think of such a mishap. I had guarded my feelings for years, not even realised what they entailed, then, when I figured it out, I had no time to sort them out and now, when I might have taken the time to get to terms with all the implications and the possible consequences I, my mind to be exact, blurted it all out.  
  
//I love you too.//  
  
Now - this was something I hadn't been prepared for, it was unexpected and - I'd be a liar if I said that I didn't grin foolishly and grasped the hand that Qui- Gon extended. He pulled me towards him and - need I detail this kiss? I couldn't describe it. It was wrapped in a feeling of completion and love that can't be expressed in words.   
  
~*~  
  
I sat with Qui-Gon the whole evening, and at night we slept in each other's arms. He had healed well enough to leave the infirmary a few days later and as we strolled hand in hand towards our quarters we met Ani and the Queen, well, to be honest, we almost fell over them. They had been slithering on the marble in one of the big halls, muffling their laughs as best they could so as not to attract any unwanted attention to the Queen's undignified behaviour.  
  
"Master Qui-Gon! Obi-Wan!"  
  
Ani just stared at us, his grin spreading from one side of his face to the other. Qui-Gon and I hadn't discussed the gift the little boy had given so willingly, but when I saw him kneel down and open his arms to catch the whirlwind speed of the child I felt the wave of gratitude that swept over me and took my breath, just as it touched both Ani and Amidala although neither of them was Force sensitive.  
  
"I'd like to talk to you alone, Ani, sometime."  
  
"Sure, Master Qui-Gon, sir."  
  
He disentangled from my Master's arms and flung himself at me, laughing out loud when I swept him off his feet in a bear hug. I owed him more than I could ever express, but I was sure I'd be able to pay him back one day. An idea already dawned.  
  
//Excellent, love. We'll ask Yoda for a little vacation and drop by.//  
  
I grinned, then set Ani back down.  
  
"We need to be gone. We've got an appointment with Master Yoda."  
  
I still grinned, turning back once more to say: "Enjoy yourselves."  
  
Both Amidala and Ani burst out laughing, then began their little sliding game again.  
  
~*~  
  
//It's good to see the Queen's got some spirit in her, she's a born leader - but at fourteen she shouldn't be forced to live an adult's life.//  
  
//She's got Ani round now, I doubt she'll be very dignified when he's near.//  
  
//I'm glad they're both so happy, after all they had to go through.//  
  
Qui-Gon squeezed my hand as we reached the door to Yoda's quarters.   
  
//Ready?//  
  
I nodded and we entered. I had expected to see the whole Council and I wasn't disappointed. Everyone was there, nodding to acknowledge our presence. They sat in a circle, and in the middle of it was a low bench adorned with soft green cushions.   
  
"Sit down, you should. Accepted, life-bond must be. Ask questions, we will."  
  
We both nodded in unison. It was wonderful to feel Qui-Gon so close. Though our relationship hadn't passed the barrier of the physical yet we were one in mind and spirit - and we were only slowly learning to maintain a little distance.   
  
Still, it hadn't been uncomfortable to share every thought. There was not much we were reluctant to share and in our situation hesitation hadn't been possible anyway.  
  
It was a long afternoon. We were bombarded with questions and we must have answered all of them to the entire satisfaction of the Council, for Yoda informed us after only a few minutes of quiet contemplation among the members that our life-bond was accepted unconditionally.   
  
//Surprising, isn't it?//  
  
//We'll see whether we're really talking about a bond between Master and apprentice here - Yoda said there was to be a surprise for me.//  
  
//Your knighthood?//  
  
//I don't know, it's just a feeling, and their accepting our life-bond without preamble, yes, I know there was nothing they could've done, but...//  
  
"Stop whispering you should. Surprise we have for you, Padawan Kenobi."  
  
I stood on an instinct and Yoda nodded.  
  
"Guessed it you have. Knight we will make you. Deserved it you have. Won against the Sith you have. And saved your Master you have."  
  
"I, I can't take credit for saving Qui… my Master's life. Ani did."  
  
"Saved him you have. Saved him Anakin has. A Jedi Knight you will be. A future, the boy will have."  
  
"You foresaw his death?"  
  
"Foresee his doom I did."  
  
I shivered. It seemed as if Ani's selfless gift had prevented him from a fate worse than even Qui-Gon's death could have been.  
  
//I perfectly agree, love.//  
  
I felt Qui-Gon's hands on my shoulders. Warm skin, the energy of life seeping through the rough cloth of my tunic.  
  
"Accept the responsibilities of a Jedi Knight you do?"  
  
"Yes, Master."  
  
"Relinquish your Padawan status you do?"  
  
"Yes, Master."  
  
"Sever the braid you will, Master Qui-Gon?"   
  
"Yes, and in so doing I release my apprentice into knighthood."  
  
Moments later, my Padawan braid dropped into Qui-Gon's hand. I felt no loss. I had thought I'd have nowhere to turn to once I was a knight. I had known it would entail leaving my Master and living, fending on my own. Our relationship would have changed, we'd have had no training bond and would have been further apart than I had cared to even think of. Now - all these fears had vanished. I had lost my Master, and gained a lover instead.  
  
"Welcome to the order you are, Knight Kenobi."  
  
"And I'm honoured to be a part of the order, Master."  
  
We were released from shaking hands not all too long after. Yoda accompanied us to our quarters.  
  
"Beautiful night this is. Plans you have I believe."  
  
"We might."  
  
"I have requested a ship from the Queen. We have some business, some private business we would like to take care of before we."  
  
"A holiday you can have. Tell me where you go you will?"  
  
"Tatooine."  
  
"We would like to give Ani the one thing he wants most in the world. We, I owe him more than I can ever repay."  
  
"Understand you I do. May the Force be with you." He chuckled. "Enjoy the night you will - I trust."  
  
//Was he always that good at embarrassing people?//  
  
//You've never seen him when he's in good humour, love.//  
  
//And I'm not sure I want to.//  
  
//But he was right about one thing.//  
  
//And that would be?//  
  
//That we'll enjoy this night, how about a hot bath?//  
  
//As long as we're sharing it I have no objections.  
  
~*~  
  
It was a wonderful night. And so were those that followed. We've been together for almost twenty years now. It's hard to believe how time flies when you're happy. Though we've faced abominable creatures and dangers beyond description we shared moments of bliss throughout all of the bad times. A few months ago we found out who Darth Sidious was - Senator Palpatine - who would've thought it? We fought him - all the Jedi together - he had grown extremely strong and we almost lost - but our belief in the Force saved us - and the galaxy, I might add.  
  
Ani and Amidala have two children. Twins - and what rascals they are. They are both strong in the Force, a new generation of Jedi. Qui-Gon and I are their godfathers, and I can say that they enjoy being with us - and it's not because we pamper them, because we don't.  
  
//Liar.//  
  
//I'm doing my best to tell a story here, love.//  
  
//We pamper them, and we spoil them. And you enjoy it just as much as they do.//  
  
//Jealous?//  
  
//A little, how about…hey, since when can you read my mind?//  
  
//Ever since we bonded, love, care for a 'nap'?//  
  
  
The End.  
  
  
The story was inspired by this song:   
  
(Everything I Do) I Do it for You  
  
Look into my eyes - you will see  
What you mean to me  
Search your heart - search your soul  
And if you find me there you'll search no more  
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for  
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for  
You know it's true   
Everything I do - I do it for you  
Look into your heart - you will find  
There's nothin' left to hide  
Take me as I am - take my life  
I would give it all - I would sacrifice  
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for  
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more  
You know it's true  
Everything I do - I do it for you  
There's no love - like your love  
And no other - could give more love  
There's nowhere - unless you're there  
All the time - all the way  
Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for  
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more  
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you  
Walk the wire for you - yeah I'd die for you  
You know it's true  
Everything I do - I do it for you  
  
"(Everything I do) I do it for you" which is copyrighted by Badman ltd. 1999 and sung by Bryan Adams (on the album "The Best of Me", Badman ltd 1999). No copyright infringement is intentended.


	2. Qui-Gon

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars (surprise!), I don't intend to infringe on the copyright of those who do own it. Writing is a hobby, I make no money off it.

Contains allusions to SLASH. Don't like it, don't read.

This is another take of the events depicted in the follow-up "For Better, For Worse", my first AU (alternative universe story) and contains a few spoilers for Episode I.  
  
This story is dedicated to Phil who asked me to let Qui-Gon live for once ;-)  
  
//indicates telepathy//

**FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE II**  
© Triskell, February 2000

  
(Qui-Gon)  
  
It was the hardest fight of my life. And if I had known of it before I would have dreaded it. As it was, I was totally unprepared. Even my meeting the Sith on Tatooine hadn't given me any idea of what this was like.  
  
I parried more than I attacked and soon I felt myself growing weary. I was ageing after all - but never have I felt it more acutely. Then I had a vision. For a split second, when Obi-Wan fell off the walkway I foresaw that one of us would have to die. As my Padawan would take a few moments to collect himself before he could come after us, I decided to do everything in my power to take down the Sith - no matter at what cost.  
  
My gaze swept around the steel-dominated structure in between thrusts and parries and when I saw the laser beams in the walls I began to ruthlessly drive the Sith there. I didn't care about the draining of my strength, I knew my concentration was faltering and that I wouldn't be able to hold out for very much longer - yet I pursued the creature.  
  
At the back of my mind I felt Obi-Wan running towards me - then he was halted in mid-way by a laser beam. I knew he was safe then. No way he could possibly join me once the walls rose again. I had trained him and I could judge his abilities almost better than my own. I sank to my knees to meditate, ignoring the nasty sneer from my opponent. A few seconds to make my peace with this galaxy, a fleeting touch to my Padawan's force signature, a caress he wouldn't feel, a token of the love he'd never known of.  
  
~*~  
  
I don't remember much of the next few minutes. I was weary, my muscles leaden with exertion and my parries came too slow - the Sith saw the opening at the exact same moment I did - it was too late for me…  
  
A searing pain shot through me, it took my breath away, and darkness overtook me instantly. I must have fallen, for I dimly remember a dull thud at the back of my mind. Though my body was dying I still felt a connection with the Force, a soft tendril of light that refused to let me go. Obi-Wan's despairing anger washed over me briefly at some point, and I was too weak to even open my eyes, to reach for him, tell him not to give in to the Dark Side.  
  
The next thing I remember, though dimly, was a warm touch on my clammy skin, I somehow managed to force my eyes open and hazily took in my Padawan's beloved features. He had never looked more small and lost than at this moment, and he held onto me with all his might. He surely didn't know how hard he tugged at my life signature in the Force, how steadily he clung to it.  
  
It must have been a mere instinct, hoping against hope, for he must have known there was no way to save me. I used my last strength, all my training supporting me as I breathlessly made him promise to train Anakin. Someone had to, and Obi-Wan was the only person I knew I could trust with my latest charge. He would find a way to honour my last request, of that I was certain.  
  
~*~  
  
I must have passed out, then. I drowned in swirls of darkness and haze, shimmering greys in the black of eternity, sudden sparkles dawning at the edges of my consciousness. It was too turbulent to be thought of as peaceful and I felt no more serene than I did when facing the unanimous disapproval of the entire Council.  
  
I wanted to get away, to be left alone, the pain was beyond anything I had ever known, my mind refusing to leave my aching, broken body behind and end my life.   
  
Suddenly, a spark raced through me, hot and cold at the same time, chilling me, then burning me in its intensity. I screamed, though I believe it was only a mental scream, for though I hadn't then left my body behind, my physical condition wouldn't have allowed me to give any sign of life at all.  
  
//Don't fight me. I want to help.//  
  
A voice echoed in my head as if it were a vast valley in the mountains, endlessly deep - somehow this voice reached the core of my being, it dragged out every bit of will I had and set it to survival. I didn't want to, but I couldn't resist - someone was brutally breaking into my mind and yanking even the slightest thought of death away, focusing every nerve, every cell in my body to healing my deadly wound.  
  
//You've got so much to live for. Remember it.//  
  
I remembered. I saw the sun bright on the horizon and Obi-Wan smiling up into it, his eyes closed, arms extended. I couldn't put my finger on the time or place, but I felt how dear he had been to me then, and how much more I cherished him now. The love I had so long held for him was blossoming and soothing tendrils wrapped around my overly sensitised nerve endings and cooled the fire the red sabre had ignited there.  
  
//Remember. You must live.//  
  
The voice spurned me on, forced me to see the past, the moments of joy and pain I had lived through and with every memory, a thin thread was born that held my body together and slowly wove itself into a pattern that was burned inside my brain, continuously reminding me to breathe, to force my heart to beat…to live.  
  
~*~  
  
It seemed only moments later, when this sensation was suddenly cut off completely and I relapsed, falling towards the dark again and I couldn't hold myself in the light, couldn't hold onto life…until I felt Obi-Wan's presence glow in my mind, touching me, taking up the work just begun.   
  
I didn't try to push him away as I had the other presence, his was comforting. It seemed to have always been there and I collapsed against it, grasped the warmth and the light it gave to me and together we drew out the time I had before dying, stretched death to the limits and finally broke through its hold…I lived.  
  
I was in no way conscious of anything around me or even in me, only at times I felt that it wasn't me breathing, that the healing energy, the power that held me in this world was not mine, that it emanated from another person.   
  
I was warm and sleepy, a little drowsy even. And then I fell asleep. It might have seemed more like a coma to others, but I know that I fell asleep at one point.  
  
~*~  
  
I woke after a seemingly endless sleep, to stare into my Padawan's grey-blue eyes above me. I cannot describe what I felt - after the hazy picture of his tear-stained face it was wonderful to see him as he always was - so controlled, so serene, if not for the sometimes mischievous sparkle in his eyes…  
  
I wanted to ask him so many things, hug him, hold him, lose myself in his gaze, but I was too weak. I couldn't summon up the strength to speak, so I concentrated my thoughts on the training bond that was so close, so easy to reach and even easier to use all of a sudden.   
  
Obi-Wan's expression changed, he paled and cried "Stop!" as if he were in great pain. My head felt as if it had just been blown up - but I thought it was a sign of my injury, my illness. I didn't suspect until a few moments later that something had changed and that I was not aware of it.  
  
"Master! Why…"  
  
It was so easy, so reassuring to touch the training bond, to be able to communicate, to finally feel my Padawan's presence within me.  
  
//I'm too tired to talk and…the training bond is so strong I thought I might as well give it a try…ah…you know what I mean.//  
  
//I do.//  
  
He answered me in kind and I was surprised. It wasn't usual for him to pick up my thoughts that quickly. Though we had always had a strong connection, it still took us some time to process every word we spoke to each others' minds. "Life-bond" suddenly echoed in my mind, bearing the resonance of Obi-Wan's voice. It was intriguing and…scary as well.  
  
//A life-bond? What's all this, Padawan?//  
  
He sighed and sat down by my bedside before he began to tell me what had happened since the duel with the Sith.  
  
~*~  
  
While Obi-Wan told me of everything he remembered in the greatest detail, I became aware of how real the life-bond was. Whatever shields we had erected before had crumbled, and our thoughts and emotions lay open. I didn't mean to pry, but my Padawan's stray thoughts flowed by me like a drizzle and I couldn't help seeing them. One intrigued me so much I simply had to ask him about it, no matter what the consequences would be.  
  
//You love me?//  
  
He seemed embarrassed by my question, though he didn't deny it. Not that any verbal assertion of his not loving me could have ever persuaded me otherwise - his feelings were too clear to me. So there was nothing to do but to put him at ease with a declaration of my own.  
  
//I love you too.//  
  
I've never seen him grin like this before, as if a great load had been taken off his shoulders. I must have held out my hand to him, for he gripped it and when I tugged at it, he followed the motion straight into my arms. I've never been more sublimely happy in my life - everything I'd ever felt was there for Obi-Wan to see and I knew that I need not hide it - he would accept my faults and shortcomings as I had accepted his. Knowing how deep our love ran would strengthen the bond we had forged somehow in the past weeks even further.   
  
~*~  
  
Some days later I was finally deemed fit enough to leave the infirmary - and never have I been happier to do so - those continuous check-ups the medical droids made were tearing at my patience.  
  
On the way to our quarters, Obi-Wan and I met Amidala and Anakin. – He threw himself at me and though I had been told he could no longer feel the Force, I bundled all my gratitude for his gift into my embrace…and somehow it even found its way into his mind - I knew he felt my happiness and joy in this new life he had given me. But still I wanted to tell him what it meant.  
  
"I'd like to talk to you alone, Ani, sometime."  
  
"Sure, Master Qui-Gon, sir."  
  
He let go of me then, racing towards Obi-Wan who lifted him off the ground, smiling.  
  
//I would like to do something for Ani, you know, give him something special. I thought we might see what we can do about his mother's freedom.//  
  
I was touched by Obi-Wan's idea - it was just what would make him as happy as he had made us.  
  
//Excellent, love. We'll ask Yoda for a little vacation and drop by.//  
  
I would have liked to stay with the two a little longer, but Yoda was waiting, so we excused ourselves, leaving Amidala and Ani laughing merrily behind us.  
  
//It's good to see the Queen's got some spirit in her…she's a born leader - but at fourteen she shouldn't be forced to live an adult's life.//  
  
//She's got Ani round now, I doubt she'll be very dignified when he's near.//  
  
//I'm glad they're both so happy, after all they had to go through.//  
  
~*~  
  
When we reached Yoda's quarters to face the assembled Council, we stopped for a moment before entering. Even in the confines of a Naboo suite, the Council looked dignified in its customary circle. Yoda had us sit down and then we spent the rest of the afternoon answering question over question about our life-bond.   
  
I'm sure it wouldn't have been necessary to dwell on all this so long; it was clear that we wanted to be together and no matter what the Council could have come up with - I wouldn't let Obi-Wan go anyway. I felt the same determination from him, so I put on my most patiently serene face and answered as shortly and precisely as possible. I personally didn't see the need to make this whole session any longer than it had to be…  
  
Our life-bond was accepted unanimously. I admit I was a little surprised. I had expected a long list of detailed advice as to how we could incorporate our life-bond in our Master-Apprentice relationship, but there was none of that.  
  
//Surprising, isn't it?//  
  
//We'll see whether we're really talking about a bond between Master and Apprentice here - Yoda said there was to be a surprise for me.//  
  
//Your knighthood?//  
  
//I don't know, it's just a feeling, and their accepting our life-bond without preamble…//  
  
//It's not as if they had a choice here, love.//  
  
//Yes, I know there was nothing they could've done, but…//  
  
Yoda stopped us in the middle of our conversation. I noticed the sparkle in his eyes and knew something pleasant was about to happen.  
  
"Stop whispering you should. Surprise we have for you, Padawan Kenobi. Guessed it you have. Knight we will make you. Deserved it you have. Won against the Sith you have. And saved your Master you have."  
  
Obi-Wan stood facing the Council, and I saw from the slight furrowing of his brows that he didn't quite agree with Yoda on having saved me. I could hardly conceal my smile when he burst out, as I had expected,  
  
"I…I can't take credit for saving Qui…my Master's life. Ani…"  
  
Yoda shook his head, the equivalent of a grin on his face. I expected him to start giggling every moment. But he composed himself, then hit the floor with his stick to emphasize his next words.  
  
"Saved him you have. Saved him Anakin has. A Jedi Knight you will be. A future, the boy will have."  
  
I saw the shock on Obi-Wan's face, I believe I wore much of the same expression. Ani having no future - that was not possible. I couldn't have been so deceived!  
  
"You foresaw his death?"  
  
"Foresee his doom I did."  
  
His doom! Force, this was worse than anything. I could hardly grasp what my old Master had just told us. Ani would have been doomed…to what I didn't even want to begin to imagine.  
  
//I'm so glad Ani's future will be different from what Master Yoda has foreseen for him.//  
  
//I perfectly agree, love.//  
  
Yoda pounded on the floor with his stick once more, making sure he had everyone's attention. I rose, laying my hands on Obi-Wan's shoulders. It was comforting to know we'd always be together - and this day marked the beginning.  
  
"Accept the responsibilities of a Jedi Knight you do?"  
  
"Yes, Master."  
  
"Relinquish your Padawan status you do?"  
  
"Yes, Master."  
  
"Sever the braid you will, Master Qui-Gon?"  
  
I took the small knife Mace offered me and smiling cut the thin Padawan braid.   
  
"Yes, and in so doing I release my apprentice into knighthood."  
  
//Now you can wear your hair any way you like, love.//  
  
//I don't much care what my hairstyle is, as long as it's practical. I guess I'll keep it just long enough for a ponytail.//  
  
"Welcome to the order you are, Knight Kenobi."  
  
"And I'm honoured to be a part of the order, Master."  
  
Fortunately, the Council took mercy on us and didn't keep us any longer after we had shaken hands all round. I have to admit I was a little tired, but most of all I wanted to be alone with Obi-Wan. I had so long waited for this, and now I was growing impatient. Yoda walked alongside us, and after having seen the sparkle of mirth in his eyes during Obi-Wan's knighting ceremony I had no doubt he still had some things to tease us about.  
  
"Beautiful night this is. Plans you have I believe."  
  
"We might."  
  
"I have requested a ship from the Queen. We have some business, some private business we would like to take care of before we…"  
  
//Trying to change the subject, Obi-Wan?//  
  
He blushed slightly, and I'm sure Yoda noticed. He seemed to take mercy on us though, as he continued with my love's line of thought.  
  
"A holiday you can have. Tell me where you go you will?"  
  
"Tatooine."  
  
"We would like to give Ani the one thing he wants most in the world. We - I owe him more than I can ever repay."  
  
"Understand you I do. May the Force be with you." He chuckled. "Enjoy the night you will - I trust."  
  
I was somehow glad to know that Yoda didn't mind our going to free Ani's mother. I hadn't expected any resistance on his part, but his acquiescence assured me of his having had much the same thing in mind. When he finally shuffled away, chuckling merrily to himself, Obi-Wan took my hand with an exasperated sigh.  
  
//Was he always that good at embarrassing people?//  
  
//You've never seen him when he's in good humour, love.//  
  
//And I'm not sure I want to.//  
  
//But he was right about one thing.//  
  
//And that would be?//  
  
//That we'll enjoy this night…how about a hot bath?//  
  
//As long as we're sharing it I have no objections…//  
  
~*~  
  
We've now been sharing everything with each other for twenty years. I hardly noticed the passage of time and I surely don't feel any older than I was the night we first made love…or maybe it's just my imagination.   
  
Many things have come to pass. We waged our hardest battle only recently. It was a battle of the mind, fought between the adherents of the Light and the demon that had come from the Dark - Senator Palpatine. To think that this man was the Force-forsaken Sith we had been looking forever since the Battle of Naboo…  
  
Now we can rest safely in the knowledge that peace will continue for a while longer. Ani and Amidala have just come to pick up their kids. They often stay with us, and they enjoy every minute of it. Luke and Leia are incredible; they are the first of the new generation - and Force sensitive. We were all surprised by this, but now…it's really hard to tame them, they love throwing their building blocks at Obi-Wan and me with the Force - and their aim is improving!   
  
//What are you writing there, love?//  
  
//I'm just finishing my story, mentioning Luke and Leia.//  
  
//We don't pamper them? Liar.//  
  
//I'm doing my best to tell a story here, love.//  
  
//We pamper them, and we spoil them. And you enjoy it just as much as they do.//  
  
//Jealous?//  
  
Ah. That's my Obi-Wan, never losing that humour of his - or that mischievous sparkle in his eyes when he grins suggestively at me.  
  
//A little…how about…hey, since when can you read my mind?//  
  
//Ever since we bonded, love…care for a 'nap'?//  
  
  
The End.  
  
  
Inspired by this song here:  
  
Immortality  
  
So this is who I am,  
And this is all I know.  
And I must choose to live,  
For all that I can give,  
The spark that makes the power grow.  
And I will stand for my dream if I can,  
Symbol of my faith in who I am,  
But you are my only  
And I must follow on the road that lies ahead,  
And I won't let my heart control my head,  
But you are my only  
And we don't say goodbye,  
And I know what I've got to be  
Immortality  
I make my journey through eternity,  
I keep the memory of you and me inside  
Fulfil your destiny,  
Is there in every child.  
My storm will never end,  
My fate is on the wind,  
The king of hearts, the joker's wild,  
But we don't say goodbye,  
I'll make them all remember me  
'Cos I have found a dream that must come true,  
Every ounce of me must see it through,  
But you are my only  
I'm sorry I don't have a role for love to play,  
Hand over my heart I'll find a way,  
I will make them give to me  
Immortality  
There is a vision and a fire in me  
I keep the memory of you and me inside  
And we don't say goodbye  
We don't say goodbye  
With all my love for you  
And what else we may do  
We don't say goodbye.  
  
The song "Immortality" is copyrighted by the Gibb brothers 1997 and sung by Celine Dion (on the album "Let's talk about love", Sony 1997). No copyright infringement is intended.


End file.
